Holy crap, I just moved to Seattle. Ok, "just" isn't quite the right word. Matt and I have been here a little over a week. The first few days we were here the basic getting stuff unpacked and wrangling of pets kept us occupied. We're still not completely unpacked. The house is beautiful and bright every room has a massive window (or four) that keeps the whole house well lit even on cloudy days. The weather hasn't been perfect, but it's nothing to complain about. The neighborhood is lovely and quiet, except for the occasional playing child.
So here's the thing: I'm terrified. I just moved away from a city that I'd grown to love over the past six years. I had just reached a point where I felt I could drive just about anywhere and not get too lost. Suddenly I find myself in a city whose traffic I despise and whose layout is so completely foreign as to make my head spin. For the first few days we were here I found myself getting panicky when we left the house. I got scared when we just took the dog for a walk, but when we hopped in the car for a quick trip to the grocery store, I would watch the scenery rush by and take me further from things I recognized.
The other day I went grocery shopping by myself. The drive itself wasn't so bad; I was concentrating enough on driving Matt's truck (which is a difficult task) that I couldn't get too wrapped up on the distance from home. I grabbed a cart and checked my list to see what I needed. The map at the door showed me where to find food items, so I got rolling. I was halfway through the vegetable section when I felt that panic again. The whole place was completely foreign and so very familiar at the same time. I thought about the grocery store that is near our old place in Portland and how it took me a while to get used to it. I will probably never shop there again. There is nothing familiar about things that used to be routine. It's a different store in a different state filled with people who are Washingtonians and not Oregonians who can clearly see that I don't belong there.
I decided not to panic. Instead I bought my groceries and went home. I felt triumphant when I got back. I beat the grocery store monster! And we made a nice dinner at home.
It's been six years since I last moved to a new state. Last time I did I tried to convince my parents that it was a bad idea and I shouldn't go to college after all. I'm handling it slightly better this time, I think? But here's hoping that the grocery store feels familiar soon and I can settle into a comfortable routine to keep my head on straight.
the truth
- Vera
- Working at a vet clinic to support my music habit worked until I let the music part drop. Currently reacquiring target.
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2 comments:
I've been developing behaviors over the last few years to deal with my panicky fear responses, or to prevent them. J helps with that, too -- he's a good problem-solver. But, for example, last night we were at our new house, which was terrifying in itself. This morning I had to get to a scary conference (which has turned out not to be so scary). On top of that, I didn't have breakfast. So I got up super-early and had pie and coffee at a cafe near my new house. It was a little scary heading in there (gah! looks like hipsters!), but I find coffeeshops comforting. I could sit there and read my book and prepare for the day. Plus eat pie. Mmm, pie.
For this conference, last weekend, when I was in a comfortable space, I made a point of meeting people who were planning to attend this conference. So today, I'm able to pre-start conversations. It makes meeting new people easier (my prepared acquaintance can introduce me to people), and it helps me feel more comfortable with the space.
Also: in getting to know my new neighborhood, I've spent HOURS poking at Google maps. Doing searches: where are the grocery stores? Where's the police station? How far do I have to go to find a park, and which route is best? Combined with street view, I have a better sense of where I'm going when I head someplace new.
Um. Have some insight into my brain! ...I should really get my own blog. :)
You'll beat the grocery store monster I know you will. You are much braver then I. I am not sure I could move that far away from home that and the fact that Dave's parents (scratch that Dave's mom) would have a complete hissy fit if we ever decided to move out of state. sheffield lake is too far for her. sometimes it makes me crazy. Other times it's nice to know that I know where I am and where I am going and the people and what not. I am sure that you soon will feel comfortable and be familar with your surroundings and say to yourself "why ever did I worry in the first place"
Seattle is supposed to be really pretty that is a part of the country I have not made it to yet but hopefully some day.
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