Tuesday and Thursday

Tuesday was one of the best days of my life. It had been planning to go over to Beth's to watch the inauguration, but I didn't really make it all the way to the door and ended up on the couch asleep. Stacy stopped by to see what we were up to and we ended up listening to the event on NPR together, squeeing and giggling a lot.

After all of the hubub died down, we decided to go to the coast together and took Baldr with us. It was a fabulous day, full of good conversation, giggling, and running around on the sand.

From Beauty

Matt and I went to dinner on Broadway and during dinner a spontaneous parade of people carrying flags and cheering walked past.

Then we went to Stacy's birthday party and that was all kinds of fun. All kinds. That includes friends, cuddling, tickling, cats, fire, cheesecake, surprises, and many other kinds that I won't list here.

And I realized that the long winter that Master Chi'ang warned us about is finally coming to an end and that makes me so very, very happy.

This morning I had breakfast with Beth and then biked to Paul's to sing with Beth and Paul. Today isn't over and it's still pretty damn awesome. Why haven't I been biking or singing for the past few years?

cryptic gratitude

No details, but I think last night's gratitude is important to write down. I'm glad someone called me on my shit yesterday. I may have been angry in the short term, but I got stuff done and it shocked me out of a rut. Next rut to fix: sleep deprivation cycle.

fiendish plan

I have a fiendish plan of what to Do With Myself when I Grow Up. I don't really want to go into detail too much for fear of jinxing anythings, but needless to say, this plan is very, very me and will be very, very difficult.

In the process of deciding to do this I've discovered a few interesting things about myself.

1) It took me two or three years to figure out that this was something I wanted to do. Many people (parents, friends, Matt, and even me) have suggested this line of thought before, but I guess I needed to be good and ready before I'd agree to it. Man, am I stubborn!

2) I'm letting my fear of screwing up keep me from acting. I spend a lot of time looking at how scary this path is and then not doing much about it. Then a friend calls, or something like that, and they tell me how exciting it is that I'm pursuing this plan, or they remind me how great an idea it is, and I charge in again. Today I'm looking at all of the steps I need to take first and it's looking like a big, gigantic, expensive thing.

"Hello, hello? Is this thing on?"

She said,

This is an intervention. We're not happy with the way you're living your life. You've become far too timid. You're blending in to make things easier, but you're making it harder on yourself in the long run. You can't chip away bits of yourself to fit in to this world. You've lost too much of yourself and it's hurting you. Remember that you're not alone and we're here for you. Don't make any decisions, no matter how small, without talking to us. We're always here and we'll always take your call. Remember you have a body! Use it! You're too stuck in your mind and that's making you miserable. Make a plan and follow it. Don't let timid Vera take over! Decide who you want to be and become her. You've done it before, but it's been too long. Let's make a plan. Three goals. What do you want to accomplish in the next month?

1) Find a chorus and sing at least once a week.
2) Get a job that fits better.
3) Make an appointment with a doctor.

Ok, good. Now repeat them back to me. We will help you with this. Call us any time.

And then I asked him if he was my strength.

"No. You are your own strength. I am your tiger."